You Don't Need To 'Toughen Up' You Need To Understand Your Nervous System

“Ye akokoduru” I would hear growing up. In Akan or Twi this means be bold. Whenever I confided in my mum after facing some kind of bullying she would endearingly repeat this phrase to me. 

In my culture, this is meant to be an encouraging phrase to those who may be feeling anxious or defeated in some kind of way. While I wholeheartedly appreciate the good intentions from those who would say it to me, such phrases rarely made a difference to me. On the contrary, it made me feel like I had no choice but to force on a brave face while feelings of anxiety and dread brewed underneath. Despite not fully knowing how to process my emotions when I was younger, I knew I needed more than this - I needed a safe space to vent and process my emotions and thoughts without judgement. 

As I got older and more knowledgeable about how I think, feel, and process emotions I realised something crucial to my healing; my body was storing the emotions of hurt, embarrassment, confusion, and rejection that I experienced through different traumas. It was almost as if my body was constantly bracing for impact. The metaphorical plane would eventually crash and I would have no choice but to protect myself. 

These emotions transformed over the years and manifested in different ways that was damaging to my sense of self and nervous system. When I was diagnosed as a neurodivergent at 21, I knew I ought to incorporate healing techniques that enable me to meet my needs.  I continuously create space for myself to explore my emotional complexities through shameless journaling and emotional release. 

I recently picked up “Heal Your Nervous System” by Linnea Passaler - a book I bought last year but didn’t finish reading. This book confirmed what God was revealing to me over the year; my mindset shifts were not enough to meet my needs. I needed to incorporate healing that incorporates my body and nervous system as a highly sensitive person (HSP) and because years of accumulated traumatic events dysregulated my nervous system. 

If this sounds like you, if it feels like you have complex and nuanced emotions that you have been unable to process so far, let me tell you that you don’t need to toughen up. You can drop the suit of armour. Instead, honour yourself and your needs by honouring the way your soul needs to heal. 

If you would like my help on your journey of healing in the way that honours you, you can book a session with me here.